oh my. what i have i started on??
yes i too am now a blog user. damn, one more strand of non-conformity torn asunder by societys ever present pressure to conform to the box, when i know that iwas born a circle......
.....oh well, shit happens.
this an expression that seems to me to sum up life, death and the whole nine yards perfectly!
yes yes a bit of depressive outlook but what can i say?
well actually i could say ahell of a lot, but most of it wony interest you, the reader, so i shall spare you the more extreme and high blown rantings of a mind gone to seed.
needless to say, just because i will spare you the worsest of my rantings, that i shall never the less rant and rave and spuit nonsense to you ay every oppertunity i get.
there is no time like the present to start doing this so here goes............
in the beginning of life, when i was a small fish like thing in the womb of my boilogical oven. ( haven been bought into being by the sperm and egg doners who created me, un asked i might add) i swam and gazed, admittedly ther was not much to gaze at, but never the less i gazed and swam and pretty much did what i wanted for nine months.
then came a day of rumbling and movement. sounds of the end of the world i knew drifted down through the layers of skin and fat that cocooned me in safety and a light at the end of the tunnel really was a train coming the other way( haha haha haha)having had no time to ajust or take in my surroundings i was promtly abused by a hand spanking my ass and heard the satisfied sigh as i began to cry. well let me tell you, right there and then i knew the world in which i had come was compossed manly of sadistic bastards who reaped joy from anothers pain, ( just how rught i was is really scary).
having entered the dawn of a new age i was promply abandonned by said biological-oven ( the sperm donner had long ago run for the hills having got his rocks oof in the house of my creation) and was given up for adoption, sniff sniff.
no one told me to look cute, no parading in front of potential parents while they answered my many questions, so i could see if they were suitable for me, oh no. to add insult to injury someone inan office somewhere,with a stroke of a pen, decided my future.
it is important to note that i did come to a good home but somehow that dosent ease the indignity of the whole process!
so there i was, second hand goods. tossed on the sea of adoption to sink or swim.
i swam, if only for a chance to one day have my revenge and i am a stubborn bastard so no one gets me to my knees that easily!!
i have now lived in this world for 34 years and 4 mnths. like i said "shit happens".
oh yes. i also have trouble with depression and relizing my own potential. appartently i am quite intelligent and have the potential to go far ( i will have to take their word for it, i see little of my brain at the best of times)but seem to somehow have managed to avoid this up until now.
bla bla, depression is a strange thing, a monster with a life of its own. it roams the corridoors of my heart and mind. dragging its luggage of fear and confussion behind it like an american tourist on holiday in florida. its foot-steps ring hollow in my head. in an attempt to escape this monster i have taken flight, often to the edge ( its scared of hieghts), so that i may have some me time,free of its insideous whispering.
the edge is a radical place to visit btu i wouldn't want to live there. at least not for more then a couple of days. on the edge you can see the whole evrything streching before you in a sort of acid 3d nightmare of amazing beauty. blood drips like rain, voices scream and nails are drawn accross the blackboard of the soul. oh yes its a funky place full of surprises. there are no maps, so a sense of direction is very important.but once you've got the hang of it, its quite a nice trip.
i have spent much time with my toes in the void if insanity, drinking with the gods of selfdestruction.i have bleed for them, drank for them.swallowed, smoke and mixed for them. but i have also refused them. denonced their religion and spat intheir collective faces out of defiance.
until now, no thunder bolts from the beyond, so thats ok
in the end, shit happens, you deal with it or you dont...thats always your choice.
the whitesheep of blog